how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
