i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
