i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
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