I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
