I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
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