this just has baby written all over it
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
