If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
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