you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
