I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
