Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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