So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
