He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Randomize
