I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
