thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just google imaged poop.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Randomize
