I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
