Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Randomize
