I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
