i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
