then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
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