I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
