no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
How external is "for external use only"?
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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