farters have to be the big spoon...
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
