I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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