your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
