yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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