You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
