Fine. I'll sleep in my office
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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