so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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