So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Why are your pants in the freezer?
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
