I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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