We're facebook friends in real life
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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