when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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