I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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