Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
