I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
