Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
