Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
