you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
