I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
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