talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
