she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize
