I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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