I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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