Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
