margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
