I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
