I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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