Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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