Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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