I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
